Beaming Down Is Hard To Do (Revised)

Sung to: “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” by Neil Sedaka

A ST:TNG parody (featuring Barclay) by M. James

DON’T TAKE MY MOLECULES AWAY FROM ME.
DON’T PUT MY LIFE IN JEOPARDY
OH, PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, BEAMING DOWN IS HARD TO DO.

THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE ON A SCIENCE SHIP,
LOOKS LIKE THEY TOOK AN UNEXPECTED TRIP.
HOPE I DON’T JOIN THEM SOON,
‘CAUSE BEAMING DOWN IS HARD TO DO.

TROI SAYS THAT BEAMING DOWN’S NOT HARD TO DO.
I DON’T KNOW; DON’T KNOW IF THAT’S TRUE.
DON’T SAY THAT THIS IS THE END,
AS SOON AS WE BEAM DOWN, YOU KNOW,
YOU GOTTA BEAM US UP AGAIN.

WHAT’S IN THIS MATTER STREAM?
IT’S A MOUTH, BUT I’M THE ONE WHO’LL SCREAM.
OH, NO, MY ARM’S TURNED BLUE,
AND BEAMING DOWN IS HARD TO DO.

TROI SAYS THAT BEAMING DOWN’S NOT HARD TO DO.
THEN HOW COME MY BODY TURNED BLUE?
NOW I’M RELIEVED OF DUTY.
I’LL PROVE TO EVERYONE THAT I’M NOT ALWAYS ACTING CRAZILY.

I GUESS I’LL GIVE IT ONE MORE TRY.
CHIEF O’BRIEN SAYS I PROB’LY WON’T DIE.
HEY, LOOK, I PULLED A MAN THROUGH,
I’M A HERO ‘CAUSE I SAVED THEIR CREW!

DOO-BEE DOO DOWN, DOWN
COME-A, COME-A DOWN, DOO-BEE DOO DOWN, DOWN
COME-A, COME-A DOWN, DOO-BEE DOO DOWN, DOWN
COME-A, COME-A DOWN, COME ON DOWN!

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