Sung to "Painted Black" by the Stones
I'm in my forties now I'm always wearing black
I asked the sales clerk, "Does this outfit come in black?"
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I haven't worn that size since disco was in vogue
I'm tired of shopping at the mall and off the rack
Each time I go there I vow never to go back
I try on outfits but I'm filled with such dismay
Maybe the internet will chase the blues away
I went to Lands End dot com to shop privately
Online I mad a model of me in 3-D
The model rotaed so I saw front and back
The outfits recommeded were - you guessed it - black!
I've started watching Delta Burke on QVC
I could not forsee this thing happening to me
If I work out enough out in the bright sunshine
Maybe I'll shrink this stomach, hips and butt and thighs
I exercise each day to fight this middle age spread
With every physical I'm gaining weight instead
I do not want to end up dressing just like Maude
I think the fashion industry should be outlawed
Hmm, hmm, hmm, fade out…..
