Dressed In Black

Sung to "Painted Black" by the Stones

I'm in my forties now I'm always wearing black
I asked the sales clerk, "Does this outfit come in black?"

I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I haven't worn that size since disco was in vogue

I'm tired of shopping at the mall and off the rack
Each time I go there I vow never to go back

I try on outfits but I'm filled with such dismay
Maybe the internet will chase the blues away

I went to Lands End dot com to shop privately
Online I mad a model of me in 3-D

The model rotaed so I saw front and back
The outfits recommeded were - you guessed it - black!

I've started watching Delta Burke on QVC
I could not forsee this thing happening to me

If I work out enough out in the bright sunshine
Maybe I'll shrink this stomach, hips and butt and thighs

I exercise each day to fight this middle age spread
With every physical I'm gaining weight instead

I do not want to end up dressing just like Maude
I think the fashion industry should be outlawed

Hmm, hmm, hmm, fade out…..

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