(sung to "Kids" from "Bye Bye Birdie") 5/98 MJ

Kids! I don't know what's wrong with these kids today
Kids! They have to bleep everything they say
Kids - They are disobedient, disrespectful tots
Barfy, gassy, crazy, sassy children - and that is on a good day
Kids! Watching Terrance and Phillip on the tube
Kids! Getting help from a piece of talking doo-doo
Why aren't they like the Beaver
Not like Beavis instead
Cheesy-Poofs have gone to their heads!

Kids! They've been raised by a bunch of social wrecks
Kids! Their teacher has a Mr. Hat complex
Kids - The school chef has slept with everyone in town
Mating, cooking, always looking sexy - and that's just Cartman's mother (father)
Kids! Mecha-Streisand, aliens, and Stan's first kiss
Kids! Killer turkeys, beef-cake, and baby Ike's bris
Elephants matched with pigs, why can't these kids just go play?
How will Kenny get killed today?

Kids! What's the matter with these four kids today
Kids! Little perverts all, that's what they all say
Kids! But you know, they haven't been such awful sons
They always go to school, and don't try anything too foolish - unless the kid is Cartman
Skids! Society is on the skids they say
Kids! Who's to blame, why it's these darn kids today
Why is it that these children get everyone upset
When pop culture is their target?

Kids! Tackle issues that we see every day
Kids! Want the answers to the problems today
Kids - Censorship, genetics, hunting, parenting
Euthanasia, drug abuse, adoption - it's there if you just watch the
Kids! Every show has a lesson to be learned
Kids! Every break the kids get has to be earned
If we can't take a joke, then we've really flipped our lids
What's the matter with kids?
Yeah, what's the matter with kids?
We're the matter with kids today

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