(sung to “Alma" by Tom Lehrer) GD & DM 07/20/02

The brightest start on the air-waves
Is Martha, the smartest as well
But once she gets into your brainwaves
It's kind of like being in hell

Her talents are many and varied
From gardening to haute cuisine
But lately she's been feeling harried
By reports of her being so mean


Martha, tell us
All modern women are jealous
How do you get it all done?
All those cook books and bedspreads and bonds!

She has a sweet deal with K-Mart
Each day the register rings
Selling linens and bath towels and wall art
While Martha says "That's a good thing!"

But K-Mart nearly went under
Causing Martha to fume and to seethe
"Dealing with you was a blunder
I'll pack up my goodies and leave!"


But K-Mart and Marth did make-up
And Martha decided to stay
Now feeling emotionally bankrupt
In the market she wanted to play

But playing the market is risky
And unstable it often can be
She did something that might have been shifty
For she can be crafty, you see


Now Congress is yelling and steaming
"Oh Martha, oh what have you done?"
Her PR department is screaming
"No insider trading was done"

So Martha has gone into hiding
America's saying "What gives?"
Her time she's acutally biding
'Till once again Martha can live!

Martha, tell us
All modern women are jealous
With millions did you abscond?
And those book deals and web sites
And pillows in off-white
And cook books and bedspreads and bonds!

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License